No girl friend no job and loads of problems (not necassary in that order)

Finally I am back again after a long dry spell of being depressed ditched and going down the hill in life I am back on being depressed ditched and going down the hill. life being a rollar coaster in past few days, with my job at stake for my usual lies and my relationship in a very nsteday boat, well kind of titanic now , life could not have been worse, oh actually its much more worst, I also do not have degree for which I spent a fortune, I failed in the retests , now I can say, it could not have been much worse, some says life sucks and u should suck it back, unfortunately in my case life is not there only, life is totally utterly and completly destroyed, heard a dialogue a few days back in a movie kind of think it applies on me to "this life is just not working" dont know how much I try things come up, the shit hits the fan and I am the only one in the room at that time , it reallay sucks to be me
Guess I am suffering from some kind of mental disorder where one tends to be in a path of self destruction without even knowing it, u know sometimes I really wonder is it really me or is it some unknown power which compels me into doing blunders , such blunders for whom I have no reason at all, no reason why on God's green earth that I did them, I dont know why but guess now I am in a habit of doing the work in a difficult ,complicated and impossible way no matter how easy it is , no matter its as simple as pushing a button
Another of my problem is that I dont know what I want out of this miserable and sick life, and when I am sure and am ready to do everything , its always too late for that , its always some third party which comes in between and fucks it all up, maybe its becasue of my surity thing it just screws everything up and leaves me desolated ,alone ,detached, forlorn, forsaken,bleeding, blue, blue funk, bummed out, cast down, crestfallen, crummy, dejected, despondent, destroyed, disconsolate, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, dragged, fed up, glum, grim, hurting, in pain, let down, low, low down, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, moody, morose, pessimistic, ripped, sad, sob story, spiritless, taken down, torn up, unhappy, weeper, woebegone,hollow, indented, pushed down, recessed, set back, sunken,cheapened, depreciated, deprived, destitute, devalued, distressed, ghetto, impaired, needy, poor, poverty-stricken, run-down, shanty, skid row, underprivileged, weakened...guess I am running out of adjective for myself
In the end my life is grim and only one song comes to my mind

Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Some day I will find,
A love that flows through me like this
This will fall away,
this will fall away

You're getting closer,
to pushing me
Off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
you're holding the rope and taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser,
I'm a loser, yeah

This is getting old,
I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold,
There's nothing left of this mind or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away,
this will fall away

You're getting closer,
to pushing me
Off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
you're holding
the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser
Well I'm a loser
You're getting closer,
To pushing me off of lifes little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser
You're getting closer,
To pushing me off of lifes little edge
Cause I'm a loser And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,you're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser

I'm a loser
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
I'm a loser

Does Religion Matter

Spoke to Shibhabni today, things really look bleak for her
Freud had once remarked .. "love is nothing but sexual urge, blocked !" & ofcourse he couldn't have been any more correct. which brings me to what "should" be given a higher priority .. & obviously, anything that is more amenable to us & forms a closer part of our identity ought to be given (& is given, if better sense prevails) a higher preference !however, circumstancial factors may end up making the situation complicated (& sometimes even add to it's complexity) & can therefore result in the optimality of a choice, which (otherwise) would have been more redundant than the rest. But assuming a free & fair ambience, it's very plausible to say that "love" (according to it's definition above) must be given a higher preference .. because it indicates (even if indirectly) one of the most basic instincts known to man ! Indeed, an experiment would also show a human propensity towards favouring "love" over "religion" !In case of chronologically newer bodies of dogma like Islam (as compared to it's much older, wizened cousin Hinduism) .. public sentiment & fear of reprisal is far more deep rooted. Also, for a religion (or any ideology or 'ism', for that matter). which is still in the active proselytizing stage early psychological engineering of 'baptized' individuals is extreme [more so in women, owing to the patriarchal nature of most societies]. they develop a very "set" or "stiff" mindset, in general & have a tendency to be provoked easily or cause provocation (strictly in matters of faith). Infact, all collective human ideologies, irrespective of the content of their dicta (whether malicious or benign) indicate extreme intolerance in early phases of development - which are often marked by bloody revolutions & regime overthrows ! Cases in point are the nazis, early communists, imperialists, zionists, islamic fanatics, fanatic hindu revivalists, christian crusaders, even neo-nationalists .. in short, you name it. Infact, the gandhian crusade which showed such intolerance to the stiff-upper-lip British imperialism, albeit "non-violently" was as much violent in spirit as say the nazis ! It just was novel in a way that it turned the violence to itself & asked masses (that belonged to the movement) to inflict pain on oneself (through an external agent) & in turn cause a moral dilemma to those whom they chose as their agents. It was based on the fundamental paradox that a party, which champions the "morally superior" virtues of humbleness & weakness, is the strongest in conflict (in the long run). But before I get any more digressive, I must say that the above analysis does indicate the nature of Islamic mass-psychology (which has got LESS to do with Islamic scriptures & MORE to do with the humans that follow them). Therefore, due to the currently entrenched nature of this system of beliefs & also its perceived threat to its identity as one of the major organised religions of the world - its followers, the muslims tend to be inflexible (at the expense of mental-equilibrium) even against the strongest of lures known to man. Thus a muslim girl in love with, say, a hindu boy is far less probable to marry him than if it were a muslim boy & hindu girl. But this decision not to marry would be made under extreme self-imposed psychological pressure, which can result in very messy situations. A personal opinion: I believe (with insufficient evidence) that a muslim boy in love with a girl of a different religion is more amenable to conversion to the spouse's faith, than a muslim girl in analogous circumstances. This is based on the patriarchal nature of human societies, where a man has a higher sense of individuality & is therefore less dictated by societal biases.
At the end all I can say is best of luck to you both aftab and Shibu u know I would be there for u guys , whatever u decide just remember its your life you are talking about...
From An New Atheist's value

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Again it sucks to be me

Don’t know where to start this from, today I am truly upset disappointed with everything in life even myself, have been a total loser all my life and would remain one.
It amazes me how do parents know what’s good for there children maybe experience but then they say times change, people grow older and gain experience, they love others , they spend there life and then they live for there dependence , they say that love of a parent is unconditional and it goes in without any expectation then why do parents always demand things, why is that a child can ever live for him/herself . Today all my misconception are answered that no love is unconditional and that it will always remain a give and take relation no matter what, why do people who have lived there life decide on life of the person who is about to start his/her life. Are we humans or are we cattle’s , even they are better atleast they have a life of there own unlike us humans who are more into selling of human as product than humans…don’t u think that it is time that we start behaving as humans…my relations don’t last but then I always want them to be , but for parents the relations would always suck and would never last

Why does it always rain on me?

Is it so? Why does it happens only to me all the time guess its time for some retrospection , first there was Poppy then came Aprajita then Ajay then Ruby then Tanaz then Ritika then Himani then Namita ,Mohit, Akhilesh ,Prakash then some ppl out here at SPJCM , don’t know why I end up having fight misunderstanding with people I become extremely close to , there sure cant be something wrong with everyone there sure has to be something wrong with the person called Aditya Upreti . What the hell is this jinx about ????? Have to spend another 7 months here and here I am already in a state where I cant see eyeball to eye ball with them

Its really sad to find yourself one fine night in Meadows eating Pringles cheese flavored chips listening to Linkin Park’s Some where I belong and Behind Blue eyes by The Who smoking your 10th fag in as many minutes and lamenting the fact that I myself could have avoided such a stuck up situation . Damn I guess the only good and peaceful time I had was in my engineering college where till date I did not have a single fight (well Mohit is an exception to it, but that too happened after our engineering) , well those were the years , I was known as the “Dosti guy” the only guy who had guts to make fun of guys who were fighting and get away with it and at the same time resolve the fight , damn where is that Aditya today, I desperately need him , the only comfort I find is in the wordings of the song…Float on by Mighty Mouse , as it says no matter what shit happens we will all float on ok , good news is on the way-just hope mine is around the corner

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great day , strange observation

Man today is great day or what I mean finally all what i wanted to say abt grading abt my college has been said by someone, and I CONCUR with it, although all the age of empires in MR class , and for a change participating in ITB class(people specially who were ard me actually raised eyebrows) all in all till now have been a different day guess I beleive the cooking streak which I am into nowadays has done something to me

Now lets come to the strange obersvation, was going through all my friends profiles today in orkut and one very very interesting thing caught my attentention...all my guy frds despite the fact that they are married or engaged or seriously seeing someone else have in interest written "dating women" and all the ladies despite the fact that they are single have written "friends" , man are guys that desperate or is it women have something better going on when they are not with any guy???

neways now I am feeling damn hungry so chao more later